In your
mid-twenties you start thinking more realistically about your life and
prospects for future. haunted by very serious questions about sense of the life
Frequently you become convinced that your peers achieved much more than you did
and you are far behind them. Considering how hard life is for millenials who
have to constantly compete with ambitious peer, running into depression seems to be something inevitable.
The good
news is that quarter life crisis is not something dangerous in general - it
should be considered as experience that helps you to take your life to the
next, better level. Certainly
it is not something very pleasant - but poses a good opportunity to assess your
current life and ultimately improve its quality
Below you
can find a couple of hints of how to handle quarterlife crisis effectively:
1) Create
your definition of success
Instead of
looking all the time at the achievements of your friends - instead try to
figure out what is your own concept of success - e.g. maybe you can be inspired
to pursue a career as a manager in a big company? Or simply invest more time in
your private life - family and friends.
2)Start
thinking positively about the future - apparently it sounds like a cliche, but
actually may make you stronger.
3) Do not
be too hard on yourself
Overcoming
quarter life crisis is extremely difficult challenge - no need for you to make
this process harder to go through. Be patient with yourself
4) Talk
with other people - almost certainly you are not the only one person under the
Sun who has to go through this problem.
5) Try to
better understand what quarterlifer crisis is - the Internet is the infinite
source of information
What do you
think - is it possible to turn quarter-life crisis into quarter-life catalyst?
Sources:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2011/may/05/quarterlife-crisis-young-insecure-depressed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddek3gQVt9Y&t=77s
I got lost at "how hard life is for millenials who have to constantly compete with ambitious peers" :D:D:D but on a serious note you do touch on a very important topic. First of all, it is never too late to turn your life around, however, life is also full of catch-22ish situations in which you are basically thwarted. So for instance, you might see an opportunity to make more money, but to make it, you would need to earn more and if you would earn more, you would probably not see the opportunity. Other example might be where you would like to start something new, but you can't, because you have no experience in it, but you need to start to get the experience and so on. The key here is not to give up and find creative solutions, even if it might be harder for you than for anyone else.
ReplyDeleteSecond: Think long and hard where your dissatisfaction comes from. Does it truly come from what you've been able to achieve? Or is it something deeper, something no amount of achievement would change? I have seen tons of people happy in mediocre jobs, doing mediocre things, because they were real superstars outside of the job. They earned just enough to be able to afford their passions and couldn't care less about the job they had. Always finished within 8 hours and never lost sleep over it. So maybe this is not a job change you need, maybe this is not the salary change you need, maybe you just need to stop comparing yourself with other people and do what you truly like.
Third: Realize most of us is going to be average. There's 7 billion people in the World with that much data, everything is going to be drifting towards the average. And that's ok, you may be awesome in your averageness, you can average the sh*t out of everything you do. Have fun with it, just be realistic please. How would you define success if everyone would be successful?
Final remarks: I would recommend doing some soul searching before setting out to any journey. What is it that makes you happy? What is it that makes you, you? What is it that makes you feel like there's more of you, what are some of the things doing the opposite? Only once you answer those questions, you can truly understand what it is that would make you feel fulfilled. Only the things that give you the feeling that there is more of you are the ones worth pursuing. Everything else is just white noise. Might be pleasant, might be engaging, but white noise all the same. Realize that you're already on a path of sorts. You can change it, but you might to backtrack, or you might make up the lost time with more effort, so it is always a valid idea to reconsider where you are and where you can go from there.
Good luck!
Indeed this sentence: "how hard life is for millenials who have to constantly compete with ambitious peers" may sound ridiculous and can even distract the reader. Thanks for exhaustive answer - I think this point: "Realize most of us is going to be average" is particurarly important - not always super-gifted, special people are happy in their life - e.g. they are to work harder, achieve more - also other people may be jealous of their skills and simply hate them.
DeleteOf course it is posibble to turn quater-life crisis into quater-life catalyst. It's just really hard.
ReplyDeleteThe ideal would be to not have quater-life crisis in the first place but I have a feeling that you need to be very lucky to
succed from the beggining. I read somewhere that if you had a depression once it gets easier and easier to have it again and again over the coarse of life
even if you seemed cured. Maybe there is need for organisations that help young people set their proirities stratght, help them create a plan for their life?
Edytuj
DeleteNowadays depression in general is considered one of the so called "
Lifestyle disease". For young person, in his/her midtweenties, there is no shame to ask specialist for help (unfortunately, there is common misconception that a person having consultations with psychologist t is insane/mentally diseased)
I don’t understand the problem. Really. I think that answer why I didn’t experience crisis is at the beginning of video: the best studies, the best job, very big salary never have been values, which in I believed, I also didn’t compete with “ambitious peer” and compare with them too much. I feel appreciated at my work, however I think it is a little bit senseless, sometimes I think I could achieve more, which means rather more knowledge and experience than money or position, but I don’t pay attention to those thoughts. Work, money, success aren’t in the center of my life. So turn crisis into catalyst? Maybe just try to change values which set the direction?
ReplyDeleteI fully agree with you. I would not make a separate name for this case. If someone has to strive for perfection, then I would look for a problem in childhood or in parents' approach. I had classmate who after getting the grade 5-, was afraid to come back home. „What will parents say?” I suspect that now she can be a woman who at all costs must have the best job, the best universities, best friends and ideal family. It is terribly overwhelming and can actually lead to a crisis that I would simply call depression.
DeleteLooks like I placed too much emphasis on stuff related to wealth (good job, high salary etc.) - it could have misled the reader. Actually quarter life crisis is related to the overall quality of life and the dissatisfaction of it (caused by comparing oneself with others - for instance in terms of number of friends, having boyfriend/girlfriend). It should trigger off some changes in the life for better (be the catalyst). Unfortunately sometimes one can end up having depression - that is why it can be considered a real issue.
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ReplyDeletePersonally, I have never competed so much, especially with myself. Career is important but not the most important. Money is important but not the most important. Everyone has different values and goals.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I think that you should be ambitious and work towards the goal. Fulfill yourself in work but also fulfill yourself in private life. Perhaps a change in value will be something that will reduce this crisis.
Please check my comment above for some clarification - but obviously I share your point of view - it is important to find a golden mean between striving to success and stability in personal life
DeleteI think that quarter-life crisis can undeniably lead to changes for the better once a person has intentified that he has hit that phase. Realising what's the cause of our dissatisfaction with life can be the hardest part because quite often the solution is not a very complicated thing. As the speaker mentioned, most of us are feeling down because of things that can be changed for example a job, school or a place of residence. Issues above are mostly connected with one's wealth and if a someone can afford a change the only barrier is in his mindstate.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard to overcome this kind of crisis and grab life by the horns. Although, many people face it, there are still only few of them that actually manage to do stuff that is described in the TEDx Talk you've provided. They might be a great catalyst, that's for sure, but how many of us are really egible to follow these rules? It's not always so easy to just quit the job and try to find a better one. We might end up looking for the one that's satisfying for a long, long time, eventually getting frustrated and not finding it at all. It's good to be an optimistic person. I am the kind of guy who's planning his future precisely. For example, if I would ever think of quitting a job, which for sure I will do, I would save enough money to survive at least 6 months living normal life and searching for a better job. Keep doing stuff that makes us happy, thinking too far away is not always a good thing.
ReplyDeleteThe quarterlife crisis can happen to anyone. In fact a close friend of mine had such a big problems with his mind that he had to seek professional help and medication. Depression and anxiety can happen to anyone and that makes me really sad.
ReplyDeleteFrom my own experience I suggest having achievable goals and just enjoying everyday tasks can make a huge difference in your overall mood.
The worst thing you can do is to just lay in bed and feel hopeless about everything. Find a hobby that forces you to create something physical or even better, it's outside around other people.
Yes, in many cases the best advice is just to say "get yourself together". It no always helps -on the other hand, some people with real mental problems may be wrongly regarded as lazy and weak - it may only aggravate their depression.
DeleteFor me it's more important to just see small steps that you make during your life, set some short easy milestones instead of focusing on big achievements, like instead of saying to your self that I have to get my bachelor's degree, just focus on finishing semester for now, it will become less frustrating. Also sometimes it's not about changing the job, but just finding pure joy in what you do, getting different view on things that you are responsible for. For example you can write code for some boring application that doctors are using to report their results, if you think of it that way it could be depressing, but when you think of it that you are allowing doctors to spend a lot less time at making papers and they can heal more people it's something that you could be proud of.
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ReplyDeleteAs someone wrote before you bring very important and interesting topic. I think that these "millenial's-problems" are effect of the world we're living in right now. On the one hand we've got much more opportunities and sources than our parents and grandparents have but on the other hand these amount of opportunities are overwhelming. The idea that we can do basically whatever we want makes us ( in many cases) lost. We're losing interest fast because it's easy to start something new and it starts to appears in every field of life. People who really succeed are often the one who "just" did it long enough.
ReplyDeleteI've got the same problem by myself and I think that in all of that we should at first try to remember 1 ground rule- try to do what makes you happy. If you can do just anything why not something that you're curious and happy about? I'm huge fan of biographies and one of common points of them is that most of the people we admire were doing what they truly love. It's not easy to find it and I'm not sure by myself but still I think it's worth a try.
I totally agree with you - two new points to be added to the list of hints I provided in my text:
Delete-> Do not give up too fast - everything requires time,
-> Try to do what you really like.
I think I might have a chronic quarter-life crisis as every couple of months I reach a point where I think my salary is not satisfying and I find my current job boring. However I've found a cure for it and it's called a change. If jobs get boring I just try to find another one, looking for something that could bring me closer to my dream job.
ReplyDeleteConsidering the very good situation on the labor market (especially for IT people). I also find changing a job the best way of getting pay rise. It can pose a great motification for you to constantly improve your skills and broaden knowledge as well.
ReplyDeleteIn a past, while I was growing up, I thought that I am worse than the others because I did not achieve same successes. It was not healthy. On my way I found out that comparing yourself to others in so many areas as I did was pointless, because I did not see time and effort they put into their areas. One was great at A and one mastered B, I was successful at C but wanted everything A-Z without any hard work. I only wanted the results. I feel that is so common for milennials. Now I define a success myself. Fortunately I changed and I feel joy in a process, for me it wasn't natural from start. I think it is always good to think about your opinions, if you live a good life, how to improve it, etc. Such stops I consider very valuable, it doesn't have to be quarterlife crisis :)
ReplyDeleteAs a child i thought the only crisis i can encouter will be around mid 40s, when my problem will be the model of motorcycle i need to choose. Now i read that common problems in life start to emerge around late 20s. I pretty sure that before 20 birthday i've thought how bad my life has gone because of not-enoughly-good passed matura. I see how my fiancees, 14-year old sister as she fell in tears because of her not-enougly-good-liked photo on IG.
ReplyDeleteMy guess, maybe we are the real troublemakers?
I had my share of crises already. Even though they should come way later (still waiting for more). I was lucky enough to recognize the source of my problems - expectations. I was expecting to have a good plan for myself. Others were expecting me to, well, to do and be a lot of things, but mostly I thought I have to. But I simply was not working.
ReplyDeleteThe big break for me was when I came to terms with the unknown. I started looking at opportunities. Saying 'Yes' and frankly not having plans for the future. Except one. I know I will get a dog.
I think a quarterlife crisis is one of the civilizational illnesses in present days and there are plenty of them. Our society is constructed badly, accomodated to some old times and with present dimensions of the civilization and a pace of living, there are many circumstances which cause variety of crises. I suppose if only our culture would focus more on proper children rasing instead of casting violence in TV and internet etc, it would change a lot to the better. We wouldn't have to get through so many crises (including the quarterlife crisis) if only our society would be smarter. Nonetheless now we are on our own. But at the other hand we are a part of the society, so what we learn we should pass further as the guy in the TEDx's video, which is great job of him.
ReplyDeleteWell, I got into the claws of this quarter-life crisis. It cost me some already, especially in case of friendship, relationships and money. I was spending too much on the parties and at one moment it all became party, not even a good one, beacuse it was anger there, not a quality time. And I wasn't spending any energy on people around, I was just trying to escape. I was searching for answers, I was always a man who asks questions, and I couldn't find them. And after many mistakes I'm here now, a better person with answers told. I was always afraid about my life being nothing, I wanted something extraordinary from my life, and all that millenial bullshit. But after mistakes, I had to say to myself - you're not special snowflake so just keep advancing. Keep thinking, it's not bad, but don't try to stop thinking. It was all about that, to stop thinking, feeling etc.
ReplyDeleteSo I have to say, I know exactly what is this crisis, I went through that. But what can you do, when everybody now have some expectations to you. You can't be a tailor, you have to be a CEO of tailor company. In other way you'll be unsuccessful. That sucks.
This is what capitalism made with us. We all want to be CEO's.
I would also add to the list of objectives in order to get out of this crisis:
go to the gym. gym is cool